Dreams-Reality

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago. 

It was going well, i was happy and content till someone grabbed me and put me in a corner and told me "wait here till we call you". i felt annoyed and kind of scared. 

So i look around and i realise i'm in a hospital. Everyone was running around in their white shirts. and then i saw this 

a wheel-chair facing some stairs that were built inside the wall-that's the best collage i could make of the memory of the dream.

I'm not sure what it meant but i know this. even if everything in my life's going well, i always find a way to ruin all the good feelings life brings and i always end up feeling trapped. 

Hopefully, some one , some day will break this wall and let me out.

First Time

I had so many things that i wanted to share with you people, whoever you are reading this, but my mind just went blank.... Maybe i need a cigarette-i can't think without a cigarette.

So i'm sat on the couch listening to Porcupine Tree, trying to figure out how the hell did i manage to make my life such a mess. Most depressing thing is that , i've actually been in this place before, wondering how or why etc when things weren't actually that bad!


I'd like to think that most of my problems begin from me being job-less. You're probably thinking that i'm just a lazy bitch who likes to moan about her problems , instead of doing something about them. I'm not that type.
Been job-hunting for fuck knows how long and there's nothing there. Sounds scary to you? Try facing it every time you read the ads in the paper.
 Funny thing is that, i don't even want to do any of these jobs i've been/i'm looking for! but i can't do any different.

Summing up, i'm in this horrible place, not knowing what to do-how to make a living; i have to leave my artistic instincts aside and forget about any crazy (or not crazy) dreams i wanted to make real.

Hopefully, i'll find a way of dealing with this, this darkness i've been drowning into or even solve my problems. . .